Most of us give away lots and lots of quilts, some to dear friends and family and some to organizations like Ronald McDonald House or Quilts of Valor. But what are we expecting when we give a quilt?

We all have stories about people who really appreciated a certain quilt. For example, a long-time friend sent me a picture of her grandchild using a quilt I made for her baby many years ago, when we were both having babies.

Another friend sent a picture of her child playing with his quilt.

Even quilts given by strangers may become heirlooms, like these quilts sent by the Canadian Red Cross to England during WWII.

So what to think about the man who used your quilt to lie on when he crawled under his car to change the oil? We’ve all got multiple variations on this story, and we’re all a bit insulted, or at least perplexed. How could someone not appreciate all the work that went into that quilt? (But wait–“appreciate” by whose definition?)

“Mod Owls” made a good teacher gift because the mascot at my grandsons’ school is an owl

I’m as guilty as the next person of telling stories about quilts I gave that weren’t cared for in the way I expected. But I’ve been thinking about this, and I believe I’ve had it wrong.

If I give a quilt, that means it’s no longer mine. It belongs to the recipient to do with as (s)he wishes. Perhaps letting the dog play with that quilt was the best use the recipient could come up with. It’s no longer my quilt and not mine to judge.

There are many chandelier quilt patterns out there, but this one was free on the Free Spirit website

I enjoy remembering Garrison Keillor’s comment that most quilts sent “overseas” by “church ladies” go to equatorial climates where their best use is as mulch. There are several good points in that remark.

I may not give another quilt to the person who used it to protect the floor under the baby’s high chair. (I should have given her a tarp!) But I’m working on letting go when I give something.

What do you think?