Most of us give away lots and lots of quilts, some to dear friends and family and some to organizations like Ronald McDonald House or Quilts of Valor. But what are we expecting when we give a quilt?
We all have stories about people who really appreciated a certain quilt. For example, a long-time friend sent me a picture of her grandchild using a quilt I made for her baby many years ago, when we were both having babies.
Another friend sent a picture of her child playing with his quilt.
Even quilts given by strangers may become heirlooms, like these quilts sent by the Canadian Red Cross to England during WWII.
So what to think about the man who used your quilt to lie on when he crawled under his car to change the oil? We’ve all got multiple variations on this story, and we’re all a bit insulted, or at least perplexed. How could someone not appreciate all the work that went into that quilt? (But wait–“appreciate” by whose definition?)
“Mod Owls” made a good teacher gift because the mascot at my grandsons’ school is an owl
I’m as guilty as the next person of telling stories about quilts I gave that weren’t cared for in the way I expected. But I’ve been thinking about this, and I believe I’ve had it wrong.
If I give a quilt, that means it’s no longer mine. It belongs to the recipient to do with as (s)he wishes. Perhaps letting the dog play with that quilt was the best use the recipient could come up with. It’s no longer my quilt and not mine to judge.
There are many chandelier quilt patterns out there, but this one was free on the Free Spirit website
I enjoy remembering Garrison Keillor’s comment that most quilts sent “overseas” by “church ladies” go to equatorial climates where their best use is as mulch. There are several good points in that remark.
I may not give another quilt to the person who used it to protect the floor under the baby’s high chair. (I should have given her a tarp!) But I’m working on letting go when I give something.
What do you think?
I’m so glad you posted this. I know folks get terribly upset when they don’t feel like a quilt they made and gave as a gift was truly appreciated.
I give care instructions with every quilt I give, but I always tell the recipient that they can throw it under the car to change the oil if they wish because it’s their quilt. Yes, it’s a little disheartening to know that all my creativity, time, money, and work aren’t appreciated, but if I give something away, it’s no longer mine. I try to remember that not everyone likes quilts, and that’s okay.
Thanks for visiting and commenting, especially since you’re kind enough to agree with me 😀
I totally agree and have been working on developing the attitude that once given it is no longer mine to determine anything about. My head might now that but it still feels like a gut punch.
Well, detachment is a work in progress!
I begrudgingly agree, but still sting when I recall being told a gifted quilt went great UNDER a comforter!
Yep, I get it 😀
I think you have too. I have had one used as a window cover and one got bleach spilled on it. I let go, but that doesn’t mean I don’t take note. Some people will get an heirloom worthy quilt from me moving forward others may get a utilitarian level of effort
Great point, Helen. Letting go of the quilt doesn’t mean I’ll be giving another one any time soon!
We love ours! 🫶🏽 Even the messiest one – Karter!
Thank you, Kristi!
Wonderful musings on this sort of sensitive topic to us quilters. I’ve come over time to your perspective: “If I give a quilt, that means it’s no longer mine”. To protect your psyche as a quilter gifting quilts I think it’s the best approach!
Used a mulch?!? Not sure I could handle that one, I would not want to know. I once donated a quilt for a charity fundraiser that I spent about $300 in labor and materials and it sold on the silent auction for $50. Yup I basically gifted someone I did not know a quilt but at least the charity got $50. I joked for a long time that I would have gladly given the charity $55 (outbiding whoever got it) to have the quilt back!
But I agree with your sentiment – I gave it away, it is NOT MINE anymore. You have to let go (but like you said you don’t have to make someone who did not appreciate the previous quilt you gave them another one) 🙂
Hi Tierney! Thanks for your thoughts; I know you and I have discussed this topic!
In line with your charity fundraiser donation, I recently inquired about likely prices when I was asked to donate a quilt for a silent auction. On hearing what they usually get for quilts, I concluded that I should just make a monetary donation to the charity instead, saving myself time, money, materials, and possible frustration. It’s validating to hear that you had a similar experience; thanks for sharing.
Oh, that is so smart to see what they usually get for quilts before you make one for them to auction! 😀
I think it’s a difficult one because so much goes into the making of a quilt — including one’s thoughts while stitching it
Yes, difficult for sure!
I’ve heard so many stories… but the one that broke my heart was told to me by a clerk at the Safe Ship store (when she learned I was shipping a quilt to a quilt show). She said she’d spent hours and hours hand appliquéing blocks while sitting at the deathbed of her mother. During grieving her death, she finished making the quilt – similar to a Baltimore Album, as I recall. She lovingly gave to her son and wife. The next time she visited their home, it was lining the dog’s bed. This woman told me her story with tears running down her face. My heart broke for her. For that reason, I don’t give my quilts to people I know UNLESS I know how for certain how they’ll be treated (respected), OR I give my quilts away blindly, never wanting to know about or see pictures of recipients. It’s either “all in” or “not at all,” for me.
Sounds like your “all or nothing” approach makes sense for you, saves a lot of anxiety. I admit there are some people who will never get another quilt from me, for similar reasons to the one in your story.